How to Deal with Toxic People

The world has been in a state of total tension for three years now, and all of us are affected by events beyond our control. We must adapt to new realities. Each person’s psyche is structured differently, but even the most emotionally stable individuals can eventually get caught in an emotional whirlpool, experiencing anxiety, fear, and panic.

Today, I want to talk about people who consistently hold a negative view of everything and everyone. These individuals are known as toxic. They perceive everything negatively, viewing the world through a dark lens. Interacting with such people can cause their negativity to reflect onto others. As a result, one may feel anger, resentment, and other negative emotions during these interactions. Eventually, one may feel compelled to keep their joy, successes, and achievements to themselves. Toxic individuals are often incapable of gratitude; your gifts will be criticized, and your help will be taken for granted. They focus solely on themselves and their problems, showing little interest in others. A toxic person relishes their endless complaints, exaggerating their woes, believing they are the “most hurt” by life. Others exist only for gossip behind their backs. They are great critics, always eager to highlight others’ faults and stupidity, convinced that they alone are ALWAYS right! Another unpleasant trait is their tendency to lie, which they use to manipulate others for personal gain. Once again, their focus is solely on themselves.

Signs You’re Dealing with a Toxic Person:

After interacting with this person, you feel drained, as if all your energy has been siphoned away. Ask yourself how easy it is to converse with this specific individual.
You feel worse after the interaction than you did beforehand.
In this communication, you find yourself giving much more than you receive. The person prefers to TAKE only.
You do not feel like an equal partner in the interaction; it leaves you with a feeling of being used.
You are not accepted as you are; there are constant demands for you to adjust your thoughts and actions.
During interactions, you often feel sadness and despair instead of joy and tranquility.
You are not the initiator of communication (due to lack of desire). Honestly answer yourself: do you want to engage with this person?

What to Do When You Realize You Are Dealing with a Toxic Person:

First, do NOT confront them directly by telling them they are toxic or that you find them unpleasant. This will inevitably lead to conflict. A toxic person isn’t always a random acquaintance; they could be a relative, boss, or business partner. To those who love to “tell the truth to their face,” I recommend considering the consequences before doing so. No one will accept this information graciously. You may be accused of rudeness, ingratitude (“for all the good”), and selfishness. Their influence could lead others to think poorly of you as well. Is that what you want?

Conclusion #1: Do not tell a toxic person about their toxicity.

The next piece of advice is to minimize the information you share about yourself. Toxic individuals are excellent manipulators and can extract information from you when you’re in an emotional state, using it against you later.

Conclusion #2: When communicating with a toxic person, speak less about yourself. Stick to neutral topics—weather, movies, books, travel, etc.

Another important point is to minimize contact with toxic individuals if complete avoidance isn’t possible. It’s best not to avoid them overtly but to set time limits for your interactions (for example, say that you have only 15 minutes). If unwanted topics arise during conversation, change the subject with phrases like “By the way, I almost forgot to ask you…” (then just shift topics). If they persist in discussing unwanted subjects, feel free to directly state that you do not wish to engage in that discussion. If on the phone with a toxic person, you can easily end the conversation by referencing another call coming in.

Conclusion #3: Minimize contact and control the safety of conversation topics.

The fourth rule is to remain polite and neutral. Respond to questions from the toxic individual with simple answers and do not engage in discussions, even if they provoke you. If they intentionally try to draw you into a conversation where information could be used against you, you might say something like: “Yes, there are different opinions. But why is it important for you to hear my perspective?” or “My opinion really won’t affect the current situation; let’s not waste time on it.” Maintain a calm tone and friendly intonation.

Conclusion #4: Avoid arguing; respond simply and neutrally. Steer clear of ambiguity.

An important rule is NEVER to discuss third parties with toxic individuals. They tend to twist information and often relay it in distorted ways. Remember the game “Telephone”?

Finally, the most crucial piece of advice is to ensure that you do not become toxic yourself. Avoid gossiping and complaining excessively. Try not to see the world through dark lenses. While we all experience difficult phases in life, remember that others around you do as well. If someone is genuinely ready to listen and has the internal resources to support you, they will notice when something troubles you and will ask about it.

Let’s be mindful of others’ feelings. The healthiest way for you and your loved ones to navigate tough times is by seeking help from a psychologist. Take care of yourself and your loved ones.

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